Bliar – The Movie: Part 2, The Downing Street Years

And so it became that on the 2^nd May, 1997, our hero, Toby Bliar became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, at 43 the youngest person to become Prime Minister since 1812. Toby and his followers partied hard that night, the following morning his first wife Cherry, who looking like she’d been dragged through a hedge backwards brought the milk in, in doing so proving beyond doubt to the press that you can take the girl out of Liverpool but you can’t take Liverpool out the girl.

With subsequent victories in 1997, 2001, and 2005, Bliar was the Labour Party's longest-serving prime minister, the only person to lead the party to three consecutive general election victories. His quest for world domination also took us into five wars, more of which later.

Rather than going through a chronological view of what our Toby did when in office let’s have a look at the highlights, the low lights, the criminal acts and the sleaze encountered along the way.

The Highlights

Toby set out to be a man of the people, the countries favourite Prime Minister, on getting elected he immediately jumped on the ‘Cool Britannia’ bandwagon sweeping the nation, hosting parties in Downing Street for the ‘cool’ people of the time - like him. 

Toby undeniably lead the UK into a decade of sustained prosperity and economic stability unparalleled in recent times, it was a remarkable achievement, even if his side kick Gordy Broon was the main architect of the economic success and the fact the recovery was actually started by the previous Conservative government, but hey, let’s not stop Toby taking credit for it.

On constitutional matters, devolution in Scotland and Wales was successful, at least in the short term, though probably it has only fended off rather than excluded a more damaging nationalist challenge by Scotland to the UK's integrity.

And in Northern Ireland, though again he did not begin the process, Bliar's negotiation of the Good Friday Agreement was the real start of major change for the better. Something he never hesitated in taking credit for.

The introduction of a minimum wage, set at a modest level, was admittedly a step in the right direction. Though introducing the 10% tax band was another item that ensured he took away what he gave to the poor.

Toby’s government used statistics ad nauseam to demonstrate major improvements in health, education, crime reduction, and so on. But few people were persuaded. In schools and hospitals marginal improvements at best could be seen, and many professionals complained that things were even worse than before Labour took power.

Despite the money they poured in, the health service was still in poor shape. In schools, new buildings provided better conditions. But with results driven league tables, the stress levels for teachers were enormous. Students now faced high fees and indebtedness, though few of their lecturers would acknowledge a significant positive transformation in universities.

Doctors, nurses, teachers, policemen and others suffered, too, more than ever from the oppressive bureaucracy of an unconstrained control culture. Aligned with this was the unstinting use of PFI to fund all this expenditure in effect, mortgaging the country to the hilt for 25 years – but it did make Toby look good.

Most of this was achieved during his second and third terms as PM. His first term was all about Toby, and spin and people liking him without him actually doing anything of note. All that was to change when the murderous gremlins started to infest Toby’s brain.   

9/11

Despite his best efforts, before 11 September 2001, Toby Bliar was set to go down in history as a second-division prime minister, one of those who stayed in power for a long time but without having any appreciable effect on the story of his times. This wasn’t good, he’d played it too clinically.

He’d followed the opinions of focus groups and opinion polls, carefully judging every option with the sole criterion of getting New Labour re-elected, a bit like Cameron’s trying to do now. This made him look like a conviction-less prime minister, he needed something to re-invent him.

Then came 9/11 and overnight everything changed.

Weapons of Mass Destraction

In a similar way that the Falklands lifted Toby’s hero Mrs Thatcher onto another level, Toby saw his moment, he knew that fighting and winning wars put you in another realm from other Prime Ministers, it gave you the world stage he craved. His moment was now. He announced that Britain would stand "shoulder to shoulder" with the United States in defeating terrorism backed it up by sending large numbers of British troops to war in both Afghanistan and Iraq. Suddenly, remembering his Tory beliefs he became best mate of Dubya Bush the American Republican President, like Batman and Robin, together they would fight the terrorist world. 

Only problem was, the British people and parliament likes to have a bit of evidence of illegal wrong doing before it backs putting our own brave soldiers’ lives on the line. No problem for Toby he knew how to easily come up with that to justify him leading us into war. The internet is a wonderful place, some college stufent had more than likely already wrote something he could download and modify.  So he and his spin doctoring henchman set to work to create a series of lies, deceit, and misinformation, in order to hype the supposed threat from Iraq, and thereby justify the war he so needed.

In April 2002 he claimed that Saddam Hussein had major stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons – even though the Joint Intelligence Committee had described the intelligence as “sporadic and patchy” just the previous month. They also said that Saddam only had “some production equipment, and some small stocks of CW agent precursors”.

Bliar claimed that Iraq posed a regional threat, when the previous month a secret Cabinet Office paper noted that “Saddam has not succeeded in seriously threatening his neighbours.”

During a press conference Bliar and his new best buddy, Dubya jointly referred to a purported IAEA report, apparently confirming that Iraq was six months away from developing a nuclear weapon. IAEA spokesman Mark Gwozdecky later denied that the agency had issued any such report, said that there was no substantiated evidence for an Iraqi nuclear weapons program, and that anyone who claimed to know the nuclear situation in Iraq was “misleading you”.

In late September 2002, the legendary British government ‘wmd’ dossier was published with Bliar claiming in the introduction that Iraq had “existing and active military plans for the use of chemical and biological weapons, which could be activated within 45 minutes”. When this was later revealed to be untrue, Toby claiming that he had never understood that intelligence agencies did not believe Saddam had long-range weapons of mass destruction. It was later proved that the Dossier had been "sexed up", and that our own intelligence agencies were concerned about some "dubious" information contained within it. But still, for Toby, why let the truth get in the way of his destiny.

Then there was the strange case of the apparent ‘suicide’ of Dr David Kelly, who worked for the MoD and who had publically cast doubt over the dossier. There were many irregularities to the story imply that maybe he hadn’t taken his own life but someone else took it from him. The fact that in the subsequent enquiry Lord Hutton ordered the post-mortem documents to be kept secret for 70 years implies all was not right and created distrust for those with access to the evidence.

A few months later, former Foreign Secretary Robin Cook confirmed that on March 5th 2003 – two weeks before the attack on Iraq that Toby told him that Saddam’s “battlefield weapons had actually been disassembled and stored separately”. Conveniently, Bliar later claimed that he did not recall Cook telling him that Saddam had no long-range weapons.

An Illegal War

Eight months before Toby’s invasion of Iraq, the British government’s most senior legal adviser wrote to Bliar and advised him that an attack on Iraq would be a serious breach of international law, and the UN charter. Lord Goldsmith’s July 2002 letter stated that an invasion launched on the premise of self defence would be illegal because Britain was not under threat by Iraq, and that whilst in certain circumstances the UN allowed ‘humanitarian intervention’, it was not relevant in the case of Iraq.

Bliar wasn’t having any legal technicalities getting in the way so he not only ignored Goldsmith’s letter, but banned him from attending cabinet meetings and gagged him so that he could not speak out publicly.

Bliar was then explicitly warned by his Cabinet Office that a “legal justification for invasion would be needed. Subject to law officers’ advice, none currently exists.” Then Foreign Secretary Jack Straw similarly advised Bliar that none of the legal conditions for war had been met.

So Toby deceived parliament and went to war.

War! What Is It Good For? – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

About half a million people died in Iraq as a result of war-related causes between the invasion in 2003 and mid-2011. 179 British military personnel lost their lives fighting Toby’s Iraq war.

Yes it got rid of Saddam Hussein but the internal fighting didn’t stop. Sectarian violence in Iraq in 2013, saw over 5,000 civilians killed in attacks according the UN. It says more than 3,000 people died in 2012.

Add to this the Afghan war which Toby also lead us into against the same Taliban enemy, again nothing appears to have changed in Afghanistan since the loss of nearly 450 British service personnel.

So what was the point of it all really, apart from giving Toby Bliar a dominant position on the international stage? It appears – none!!

Labour ‘Sleaze’

The previous Conservative government were embroiled in various ‘sleaze’ scandals such as cash for questions. In 1997, Toby declared "My government will be whiter than white". If only that turned out to be true. Ultimately there were many examples of sleaze during his period in government, but amazingly he rode them all. A selection of just a few includes:

• John Prescott's Affair(s)
• Tessa Jowell and her husband
• The ‘Peerages for Cash’ and ‘Cash for Honours’ scandal
• Revelation that John Prescott pays no Council tax
• David Blunkett resigning over links to DNA firm then staying on in his grace and favour apartment long after resigning and not paying tax as benefit in kind
• David Blunkett's visas for nannies and the associated affair
• Cherry Bliar gets £100,000 for “charity” speaking tour
• Stephen Byers apologies for lying over Railtrack and ultimately resigns from government after various scandals
• Brian Wilson MP's final section on Register of Members' Interests shows directorships and advisory roles to renewable energy firms. As Energy Minister he promoted renewable energy
• Lord Drayson’s company wins non-competitive tender contract after £50,000 donation to Labour
• Beverley Hughes resigns over Immigration scandal
• Chris Bryant pictured in undies on Gaydar website
• Cherry Blair apologises over links to conman Peter Foster
• Black Rod accuses Downing Street of trying to muscle in on Queen Mother's funeral
• Jo Moore resigns over ‘burying bad news’ email after 9/11
• David Blunkett fails to declare income from rent on his Wimbledon home
• John Prescott fails to disclose benefit of his Union owned flat
• Geoffrey Robinson resigns over loaning money to Peter Mandelson
• Peter Mandelson resigns over Geoffrey Robinson loan
• Ron Davies’s moment of madness, badger watching on Clapham Common
• Lord Irvine’s £650,000 of wallpaper
• Robin Cook’s affair with Gaynor Regan
• Peter Mandelson's Brazilian ‘friend’s’ dubious immigration status
• Cherry Bliar involved in dodgy mortgage activity in Bristol
• The Bliar ‘Nannygate’ scandal
• John Prescott punching a voter in the face
• The Bliar family holidays paid for by various dubious people
• Labour's attempt to dig up some dirt on Paddington train crash victims who had criticised the government’s response
• Peter Mandelson and the Hinduja brothers

So it turned out Labour were far more sleazy than their Tory predecessors, however, this was water off a duck’s back for Toby, despite the self-centred wrong doing by his guys he continually let them off and brought them back into the fold after they’d resigned. It was an era of ‘Do as we say, not as we do’ from his government, this included his ministers like Harriet Harperson sending their children to private school whilst hypocritically telling everyone else they should go to state schools.

An Exit Strategy

By 2006, our hero was ready to move on to bigger and better things on his route to global domination. If you remember in Part 1 of the trilogy, the deal had already been done with Gordy Broon way back in the 90’s to pass on the leadership to him. Now all that mattered was the timing. Toby needed to go out at the top, at his pinnacle, so Gordy was seen to take over a gold plated (albeit without any gold as he’d sold it) country and the height of its prosperity, allowing Toby to say “I can’t do anymore”.

Toby was sensing increasing pressure within the Labour party for him to resign, due in part to the Labour party's reduced majority after the 2005 general election as well as increasing opposition to the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, various scandals within the party, and low approval ratings in general. His plan to flood the country with low paid immigrants who being so grateful would automatically vote Labour was also starting to backfire, Toby had seriously underestimated how many would come and now they wouldn't stop coming! This wasn't good anymore.

Toby was intelligent, he saw the economic cycle was turning, he knew from his banking friends that a problem was coming; he’d noticed the majorities were falling, and he saw that the public was beginning to see through New Labour. So instead of clinging with the tips of his nails to power, he decided to get out before he could get all the flak for everything that was about to go wrong. Gordy could have all that.

At a special party conference in Manchester on 24 June 2007, he formally handed over the leadership of the Labour Party and the country to Gordon Brown. When it comes to sinking ships, rats always know when it's time to get out; Toby Bliar was a very intelligent rat is all I can say.

A Good PM? – Nah!!

He was a class 'A' speaker, good debater and a quick witted defender of his government. He could lie almost flawlessly. He pioneered spin, and still gives Cameron lessons in it today.

He spent loads of money, when our economy was growing, and even spent it faster than our economy was growing throughout all his years in office. That basically sums up what he did economically, nothing spectacular, brave or ingenious, just flashed lots of cash when it was around.

However, he opened the floodgates to hundreds of thousands of Eastern Europeans anybody questioning this policy being branded a “racist”; he protected the perpetrators of crime criminalising their victims instead; he sold off our assets cheaply (Gold); he overused, and then decimated the armed forces; he eroded our sovereignty by giving more and more powers to Europe; he attacked civil liberties (eg ID cards, cameras etc); he promoted a culture of welfare dependency as a life choice. He was a habitual liar who managed to steer all these things through parliament with the help of a bit of spin.

His term in office will be defined by the fact that he took us into an illegal war and tried to justify it using false / faked evidence silencing those who questioned it too loudly.

Toby Bliar got out while the going was good, knowing full well things were going sour. He handed over to his henchman for him to enjoy his moment of glory, plus a pension (100% of final earnings), security and an armoured car for life. Toby looked after those in his inner circle and we are paying for it. He knew full well that the shit was about to hit the fan and wanted to wash his hands and pay off his comrades while slipping away tax free to stash his millions.

COMING NEXT. Bliar – The Movie: Part 3, Bliar’s Toxic Legacy

Coming up next week will be the final part of the trilogy featuring Toby, his unerring ambition for world domination and what he left us with.

Bliar – The Movie: Part 1, The Rise To Power

There once was a man, who was born to be President of the World, this is a draft plot of his attempt to achieve his mission. It takes the form of a trilogy of which this is part one. In order to protect the guilty I’ve attempted to hide the identities of all participants, though I don’t think I’ve done too good a job of it!

Prologue

Our hero, Mr Toby Bliar was born on the 6^th May, 1953 in Edinburgh. The son of a Scottish tax inspector and his wife, the butcher’s daughter he lived in Paisley until his parents got fed up with him and sent him to boarding school. Here he modelled himself on Mick Jagger and was a right royal pain in the arse to his teachers. He moved to London, still thinking he was Jagger and formed a rock band called the Sinister Rumours. His next move was to University at Oxford of all places where he gained a second class honours degree in Jurisprudence, whatever that is? It was while at Oxford, Toby first started having dreams of world domination. After Oxford he got a Junior Barrister’s job back in London where he met Cherry, daughter of a randy scouse git and ultimately Toby’s first wife.

We’re now in the early eighties and Toby was observing one of what would become one of his heroes in dominant action, the Iron Lady was our Prime Minister and Toby idolised her. He saw her grow, fight wars, win election after election and become one of the top three figures on the World stage. She had everything Toby wanted, but he thought he could go one better and be the entire world’s leader. But where to start?

Which Party?

Toby first had to get into politics, but which party? He was an out and out Tory who loved everything the current government were doing, he vowed when he became Prime Minister himself not to undo all the good things he’d seen Mrs Thatcher do, but take them further. His one problem with the Conservatives was that he couldn’t see a route to the top; he knew his hero would be there for many many years to come. How ‘bout the Liberals or the SDP, nah, alright for local elections but nobody ever votes for them at a General Election so that ruled them out. That only left the Labour Party, an unelectable party lead by a Marxist nutter in a donkey jacket. Toby joined, setting himself a ten year target that he’d be the next Labour Prime Minister by the time he was 40.  

First Seat

First thing Toby had to do was find himself a safe seat from where he could start him plan, he thought he’d found it in 1982 when he fought the Beaconsfield by-election. He had his first set back, not only getting beat by a Tory but also losing 10% of the vote. Not good, problem was he disagreed with virtually every Labour policy but had to lie and support them, he thus came across as insincere, and a trait he never truly shook off.

In 1983, Blair found the newly created constituency of Sedgefield, a notionally safe Labour seat and after much haggling and back stabbing he was declared Labour candidate just in-time for the 1983 General Election. As part of his masterplan, Toby fought the election towing the party line. His election literature endorsed Labour’s left-wing policies. He called for Britain to leave the EEC, though he had told his selection conference that he personally favoured continuing membership. He also supported unilateral nuclear disarmament and was a member of the popular CND. If it was popular Bliar would do it, he was learning the values of PR all the time. Toby was helped on the campaign trail by popular soap opera actress Elsie Tanner, his father-in-law's girlfriend.  So it came to be, in 1983, Toby Bliar was elected as MP for Sedgefield despite the Labour party's landslide defeat in the general election.

Once elected, Bliar's political ascent was rapid. He received his first front-bench appointment in 1984 as assistant Treasury spokesman; he was on his way to achieving his goals.

The Route to the Top

Bliar knew that ‘being popular’ was what was needed for success, he knew the power of saying something without telling the whole truth, he knew he had to get to the top by being liked, but he realised he also needed to have his people around him. Toby knew that the likes of old donkey jacket and the welsh one weren’t what the people wanted, he had to bide his time, making alliances that would help him not hinder him, people like Gordy Broon and the dark knight Mandy Peterson. Slowly but surely his plan started to come together.

Still backing Labour polices he was elected to the shadow cabinet in 1987. From here he could start to truly influence the party. The leader at the time, a Welsh man with an annoying wife who kept trying to drown him in the Irish Sea had started to ‘reform’ the party by getting rid of the loony left, unwittingly helping Toby’s plans in the process. But taffy was never seen by the public as ‘Prime Minister’ material, plus Toby’s hero was still in the seat and didn’t look likely to shift anytime soon (something which changed rather rapidly), so after losing the 1992 election to another Tory landslide he resigned and buggered off with his missus on the gravy train to Brussels.

Toby knew the time wasn’t right for him to step up to Leader just yet, he had a few ‘deals’ in the background still to do. A ‘safe’ leader was elected, an interim leader really, just how interim they didn’t realise at the time. John Smithy was a likeable guy, who was known as a Swan Vesta – he was never going to set the world on fire. He made Toby the Shadow Home Secretary in his shadow cabinet, a position from which Bliar could maximise his PR campaign which would ensure he was the Labour leader by the time of the next election, he just needed the right opportunity to make his move. That opportunity came sooner than expected, Smithy dropping dead from a heart attack in 1994.

Toby knew the position was his, but he had to sort out a few ‘internal’ issues first to ensure his success, Gordy needed paying off to make sure he didn’t stand, unlike Toby, Gordy was a Labour man at heart, he was fairly well like and good with money. Toby promised him that after being elected leader he would quickly become Prime Minister and appoint Gordy as Chancellor of The Exchequer, after a period of five years he’d pursue his world domination plan and hand the reigns over to Gordy. Luckily he agreed.

Toby’s only challengers for the leadership were a caravan enthusiast called Margaret who was no real threat; the public had had enough of Margaret’s in high office by this point and Big John from Hull. Big John was a threat, he was a bully who the unions loved and represented the left of the party. Toby talked him round to lessoning his campaign with the promise of being Deputy Leader, a role where the lazy Big John would have status without much to do and the promise that if Toby became PM in a few years, Big John would be Deputy PM and he’d give him two Jag’s, an attractive secretary and not much to do as a reward. John fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Leader of The Labour Party

And so it became, in 1994, Toby Bliar was now the first Conservative Leader of The Labour Party. His next target, though a few years behind schedule, was in his sight – Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Toby knew his destiny, he knew what he had to do, nobody could stand in his way anymore and he started putting into place the people and things he needed to ensure election victory.  He announced at the 1994 Party conference that he intended to replace Clause IV of the party's constitution with a new statement of aims and values. This involved the deletion of the party's stated commitment to "the common ownership of the means of production and exchange", which was widely interpreted as referring to wholesale nationalisation. Remember his earlier promise not to undo what the Iron Lady had done? This allowed him to carry on with Conservative Policy under a Labour Government.

His PR campaign ramped up to overdrive, sound bites were spun out constantly, phrases that would stick in the public’s mind, at the 1996 conference, Toby stated that his three top priorities on coming to office were "education, education, and education". We wouldn’t forget that for a long time. Branding was big for Toby; he needed to make sure the public didn’t think they were the loony lefty Labour of previous years so he adopted the simple but effective slogan “New Labour”, all of this would see Toby sweep to power.

Prime Minister

Aided by the unpopularity of John Major's Conservative government (itself deeply divided over the European Union), "New Labour" won a landslide victory in the 1997 general election, ending 18 years of Conservative Party government, with the heaviest Conservative defeat since 1832.

A major contribution to the success was “not being the Tories”, people knew they’d grown slack and sleazy through 18 years in office. The public wanted to see the back of Major because they were fed up with the same old screw-ups by the same old Tory faces. A fresh faced Toby Bliar and his “New Labour” were just what the doctor ordered.

Toby Bliar became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom on 2 May 1997, serving concurrently as First Lord of the Treasury, Minister for the Civil Service and Leader of the Labour Party. The 43-year old Bliar became the youngest person to become Prime Minister since 1812.

For our hero the stage was now set.

COMING NEXT. Bliar – The Movie: Part 2, The Downing Street Years

Coming up next week will be part two of the trilogy featuring Toby and his unerring ambition for world domination. 

They were ten years that shook the world – literally!! 

Crimea: I Think Russia’s Right On This One

Like most of us, I’ve watched what’s gone on in the Ukraine with Crimea and Russia over the last few weeks with interest. Are we on the brink of World War 3 or maybe a new Cold War? Will the Ukraine and Crimea go their separate ways? What will the West do? Or will it all just fizzle out into nothing?

A History Lesson

Crimea is located on the northern coast of the Black Sea; it’s currently under the jurisdiction of Ukraine and has a history of over 2000 years. Apart from a brief spell in the WWII when Germany occupied it, Crimea has largely come under Russian control since the 18^th Century. In 1991, when the Soviet Union collapsed it became part of independent Ukraine, as the Autonomous Republic Crimea.

The Russian Black Sea Fleet had long been based in Crimea and remained there after independence; however this caused numerous tensions between the two countries up until 1997. Following the ratification of the May 1997 Treaty of Friendship, Cooperation, and Partnership on friendship and division of the Black Sea Fleet, international tensions slowly eased off. With the treaty, Moscow recognized Ukraine's borders and territorial integrity, and accepted Ukraine's sovereignty over Crimea and Sevastopol. In a separate agreement, Russia was to receive 80% of the Black Sea Fleet and use of the military facilities in Sevastopol on a 20-year lease So Crimea has a long history of being a Russian territory and over half the population are ethnic Russians.

In February, the democratic national government in Ukraine was ousted after days of armed violence in Kiev and replaced with unelected radical self-proclaimed rulers. Generally, we all know what happened after that!

Undoubtedly, Russia appears to have illegally occupied Crimea. But as history suggests, there’s more to it than that!

Since When Did We Back Mob Rule?

The Ukrainian president, Viktor Yamukovych was kicked out of office by a mob. Horrible though he might be, Yanukovych was democratically elected. And much though the West might sympathise with the Ukrainian protesters, angry that Yanukovych vetoed closer ties with the EU, when did we decide that mob rule was favourable to democracy? Hmmm, never.

The EU isn’t innocent in all this, appearing to encourage this mob rule to get them another member state. But they forget there are a whole load of people in the East of Ukraine as well as Crimea who are appalled at what happened to their elected government. The West of course, felt it had to take sides in a battle which is nothing to do with them, slowly though, they seem to be going into reverse as they realise what taking sides involves.

Illegal Occupation?

The Ukraine and the West argue that the Russians have occupied Crimea illegally. Russia however, says it does not recognize the newly installed unelected self-proclaimed government in Kiev and claims it is simply responding to requests from the both the democratically elected Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych and Crimean Prime Minister Sergey Aksyonov, "for assistance in guaranteeing peace and calmness" on the peninsula; which, makes Russian intervention lawful under current treaties.

Guys, they’ve got a point. I’m with Russia on this one. They’re protecting their own people from, what is still mob rule. Things moved on further in the last week when the Crimean parliament voted to ask Russia for re-unification, which if granted by Russia would then be presented to the Crimean electorate next week.

Of course, the newly self-installed, unelected, radical self-proclaimed Ukrainian government, says this democratic move has no legal grounds – like they’re organisation actually does?? The situation is confounded even further as the Crimean parliament does not consider the unelected self-proclaimed Ukrainian government as legitimate, which they are absolutely right not to as they’re an illegal self-installed body.

Sanctions? – Nah!!

While the West tries to talk tough about hitting Russia with sanctions, we all know in Europe that ain’t going to happen because we potentially lose too much ourselves then. The biggest issue is that a significant proportion of our gas comes from Russia via pipelines that cross the Ukraine. If Russia (or the Ukraine for that matter) close those valves, we’ve got a problem. The Germans are in a similar to boat to us here.

There’s also our ‘other’ trade with Russia. In the past year alone, the UK has flogged the Russkies £86 million worth of sniper rifles, laser sights and ammunition and there’s 271 more lucrative deals in the pipeline. It’s not just us, the French are so upset with the Russian occupation of Crimea that they’re about to sell Mr Putin two huge battleships for almost a billion quid!!!

So, while we try and talk tough about economic sanctions, it’s just empty words. We know it, and Russia knows it too. This makes the rhetoric from the likes of William Hague and other Western politicians utterly laughable.

Leftards Don’t Know Where They Stand Anymore

This whole episode has created a quite extraordinary (and amusing) situation for the left wingers. It’s lead to many of them sitting on their hands. They’re confused! Do they support their beloved EU and the rebels who have taken over the Ukraine by violent means removing a democratically elected government? Or do they support Russia, their mothership who espouses the Stalinist doctrine they look to impose on us all.

Of course, they say they’re in favour of ‘democracy’, when in fact they are apologists for a blatant coup against an elected government by an armed mob. They also say they are against interference in other countries, but they excuse the blatant intervention of foreign politicians on the side of the Ukrainian rebels.   

Looking wider, they lack consistency they’re concerned about Mr Putin and his dangerous and dishonest government. But they don’t moan about China, which is a far more repressive regime.

So many contradictions, I’d hate to be left-wing, arguing with myself.

A New Cold War?

The episode has raised the spectre of a new Cold War. I don’t think we’re in immediate danger of Crimea sparking anything like that, but Russia are flexing their muscles more and more and shouldn’t be underestimated. It started with their war against an independent Georgia a few years ago, and then there was Chechnya, now Ukraine. We’re also seeing more ‘testing’ of our air and sea defences by the Russian military like the old Soviets used to do.

What is worth considering though is whether the dismantling of our armed forces over the last twenty years to the extent they’ve been cut today a wise move? I’m beginning to think we were a little hasty, a little premature. Maybe now is the time to call a halt to these cuts and look at investment instead. As Blair, Brown and Cameron have all proved, we can always find a use for them even if we’re not fighting the Russians!

Better safe than sorry I say.  

Get Out The Way - Ban Motorway Lane Hoggers

Over the last ten years through my job, I've driven many hundreds of thousands of motorway miles, I've never been caught speeding nor have I had any accidents there. However, a certain type of motorway driver, in all this time, has never ceased to amaze me.

It may just be me, but I reckon people who hog the middle lane of a motorway are right up there with the worse drivers around. People who cruise up the outside lane and try to push into queues are a pain and they really know they're being a bit cheeky, middle lane hoggers however, actually think they're brilliant drivers. These are the people who, given an empty three-lane motorway, choose to drive in the middle lane.

What these smug, self-satisfied knobs don't realise is they're actually committing an offence. From my memory of The Highway Code, the outside two lanes are overtaking lanes, so if you're overtaking nothing then you shouldn't be there.

They think that as long as they're doing the statutory speed limit they have a divine right to whichever lane they choose because "nobody should be going faster than me, anyway". At which point they switch off from looking in the rear view mirror and turn up their Michael Buble CD and cruise.

After taking a precautionary look behind me for Mr Plod in his BMW, I like to nudge past them on the inside. This often has the habit of waking them up. Alternatively, I sit directly behind them and after a couple of miles they'll suddenly realise there are other vehicles on the motorway apart from them and grudgingly indicate to move over. I'm glad I'm not a truck driver, middle lane hoggers must drive them spare. The habit isn't gender specific, age specific, or car type specific either; though most of them are VW driving coffin dodgers.

The Saddest Ones

The saddest middle lane hoggers of them all are the ones that speed up the minute you go to overtake them in the outside lane. I previously assumed that this was some sort of pathetic 'alpha' male trait, but I've since noticed women doing it too. They're trundling along at 70mph and as you approach them you realise that they're not going to pull over into the empty inside lane, so you speed up to 75mph and make a move for the outside lane. They spot you and put their foot down to match your 75mph too. You realise that 75mph isn't going to be enough and you're committed to the outside lane now, so you speed up to 80mph. They do too. So you think, sod it, I'm not going to back down now and speed up to 85mph. All of a sudden this piece of human excrement with a driving licence has accelerated from 70mph to 80mph+ in a bid to keep in front of a car that is going to overtake him anyway. Madness !

I've witnessed the same characteristic in pond life. They rush to compete for food thrown into a pond whether they need it or not - they can't help themselves, The brain equivalency of these hoggers is similar.

The Outside Lane Hogger

More dangerous, but usually more observant than the middle lane hogger is the outside lane hogger. To hog in the outside line requires a car that will cruise at 85mph+ along with the unstinting belief that whatever speed they choose to do above the old speed limit - is the new speed limit ! Thus, this gives them the authority to sit in the outside lane and cruise there impervious to any other outside lane hoggers who believe the new speed limit should be at lease ten miles an hour quicker, so get the hell out of my way! These are essentially people who think they're special and that speed limits don't apply to them. 

You never see outside lane hoggers doing under 70mph. That's because under 70mph they know they shouldn't be there. At 71mph they know that neither of you is in the right and possession of the lane is nine tenths of the law and actually, drivers are not supposed to communicate with flashed headlights and that isn't the correct hand gesture for "I am going straight on".

An extension of the outside lane hogger is the one who, on joining a motorway, has to get to the outside lane as fast as is feasibly possible as that is where they think they belong. They do this however busy the motorway is. I come out of Manchester down the M62 to Warrington in the rush hour, it's slow and basically chokka. You can spot the 'owners' of the outside lane joining from the M60 at Eccles, they usually drive BMW's or white vans and aggressively force their way across all the lanes then sit, victorious in the outside lane. Regular users know and understand how the M62 works along this stretch, almost without fail, in the rush hour, the fastest lane is actually the inside lane (which is where I sit), we're happy then for the 'owners' to go and sit doing 10mph in the outside while we regulars just plod along at about thirty five overtaking them all from the inside lane. So, just occasionally, justice is served. 

Anyway - rant over !